


A Hollow Man

by moodwriter



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Insanity, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-26
Updated: 2013-01-26
Packaged: 2017-11-27 00:08:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/655888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moodwriter/pseuds/moodwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter Hale's thoughts on Derek, Stiles, and life itself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Hollow Man

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Val_Brown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Val_Brown/gifts).



It’s clear Derek wants to think there’s regret in Peter’s actions, that he wouldn’t kill Laura again if he got the chance to reverse time. Peter wants to think so too, but he’s older and more cynical than his dear nephew. He got his revenge. He’s less likely to lose his sense of direction again, but even back in the day, Maya was the one who kept him tied to his human emotions, the good ones. 

He sees a lot of himself in Derek even though the boy hides everything under his anger. The rage Peter felt - still feels - is different from Derek’s anger because that rage can only be seen when he loses control. Derek is angry all the time. Derek is anger. 

Peter hopes he can be a person again. He remembers their last Christmas together as a family, remembers the kids and the laughter, remembers Derek’s smile. It can be so open. Right now, nothing about Derek is open, and probably never will be again. 

Derek is a lousy Alpha, but he’s still better than Peter was. Consent. Peter tries to give value to it, now, tries to understand why it matters that he gave Stiles a choice. He wanted a willing companion, a pack member who wouldn’t run from him but would run with him. He knows Derek gave the choice. He may have seduced them, but he gave a choice. So much more considerate. 

He thinks a part of his brain rotted away while he sat in that hospital chair, some human part, the part that loved and felt remorse. He tries to pretend it still exists, but he’s not sure anyone buys it. 

Stiles doesn’t. Derek on the other hand wants to believe because he wants a family. An uncle who killed his sister will never be trusted, but he won’t be cast away either. Werewolf blood runs deep, and family means everything, no matter how distorted and wicked it is. 

And he did kill Kate. Kate who abused his nephew, who took away his innocence, who used him and then tossed away what was left of him. Derek still thinks Peter blames him for the death of his wife and unborn child. Like anyone would blame a boy. 

He can’t fathom the guilt. 

He can’t feel it, not even for Laura, and he should. Derek won’t forgive, but he’s letting Peter live and participate in their lives. He lets Peter help. He accepts that to survive, he needs his uncle. 

Peter likes his position way too much. It’s so easy to manipulate Derek. It’s so easy to lead them to dangerous places. A part of him wants to toy with them. Another part wants to pretend that he can still be a person. 

It’s a vicious battle, but most of the time, he lets it go on inside him without giving it a second thought. He likes to be a shadow, a half-man. 

That way he won’t feel the loss. 

Peter remembers things, but he doesn’t remember feelings. He remembers kissing his wife, carrying her over the threshold, but he doesn’t remember how her hair smelled or how it felt to hold her. He doesn’t remember ever loving her. 

It’s easier that way. 

Because he remembers how her face burned. 

He likes the living people because they amuse him. They are young and hopeful so it’s easy to play with them. And he wants them to survive a little while longer. 

Stiles is the one who fascinates him the most. Maybe because he said no. Maybe because Stiles is so full of love and insecurities. He’s the best example of human emotions that aren’t selfish. Stiles is love. 

Peter doesn’t care that he’s not at the receiving end of that love. Stiles being who he is is enough. Everything leaks out anyway, and Peter can taste it fresh on his tongue. Human love. Stiles reeks of it. 

It’s fascinating and a little endearing. 

Sometimes he wishes he could stop existing, but he can’t let go. He had to make sure Lydia would find him again, not because he wants to live but because he doesn’t want to die. He doesn’t deserve to die. He survived so he has to keep on surviving until there’s nothing he can do. That is his punishment. 

And maybe one day, he’ll remember something meaningful.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for @Valress for her birthday. She is an adorable person who loves Peter Hale to death. Happy birthday, bb! 
> 
> The story was betaed by the lovely @aislinntlc yet again. <3333 She deserves all the cookies. :)


End file.
